retreat

So I went to a staff retreat this weekend.  I love retreats.  I love the laughter, the games, the prayer, the connections made, the relationships strengthened, the things you hear from God, the inside jokes, the good food, playing mafia 3 times getting refreshed.  It was at an amazing house, complete with hidden rooms behind bookcases, beautiful scenery, fun idiosyncrasies, strange sounding toilets. 

During our times together the first 2 days, I listened as some had profound experiences, were refreshed,  received words from the Lord, had an awesome time alone.  

I got more and more agitated.  

Usually I have a great time at retreats, but every time I sat down to study or think my mind started racing.  Not racing with important, God things.  Small, menial things.  Things that aren't important.  I couldn't stop it.  Crappy. Frustrating. 

Later on Saturday, God gave me A LOT to process....words about my past and how it's shaped my thinking.... belonging....pastoral....prodigal son's brother....not all related ( I think ).   Anyway, I think this part of my life is really about working on who I am, working on my habits, attitudes, thoughts, feelings.  Ugh. I don't know which is worse...not hearing or actually hearing and having to work on things for a very, very long, long time.   

So here goes...