confessions: friends, feelings, and fear of man

This week brought up a lot of stuff for me. It's been the best week and the hardest week in months. I spent a couple hours yesterday afternoon with two good friends at Starbucks (thank you, my lovely friends!). I've been needing that time with friends for awhile-too much time with the guys drywalling and caulking lately. It was so good to just catch up on life and what God's doing in theirs, encouraging one another, praying for each other, confessing. It was amazing to me that the hidden emotions and doubts and fears and feelings of mine are shared in one way or another with the women around me. Sometimes I feel so alone and weird in what I'm feeling that I start thinking that no one cares, no one sees, everything's falling apart, I can't lead, I'm not capable, I'm not a good person, I, I, I, me, me, me. I'm really tired of Satan trying his hardest to get me to fall into this pit.
Nate's message on Sunday was incredible! Exactly what I needed to hear. I get to this point sometimes when everything is about me. I start becoming jealous of what other people appear to have, fearing what they think of me, I get bitter at the anointing, the blessings, the "words" they get, their great relationships with God and others. I'm dishonoring in my thoughts. I become so focused on what I don't have, that I forget everything that God's doing in my life, who He's created me to be, the dreams He has for me, the amazing undeserved blessings He's given me, the husband and friends He's put in my life. Something Nate said has really stuck with me..."God had everyone else when He created you." I almost started weeping at the thought that He wants little ol' ME, He loves ME. So why in my life do I go thru these stupid cycles? It's so frustrating. I know God is teaching me so much thru this-honor is HUGE in this-and I know I'll pull thru with his strength. I don't feel hopeless-that's the cool thing. I'm frustrated, but full of hope that I am becoming who God made me to be-his daughter, made in his image. So that is my confession. And my hope.